Comfortable silence

Sometimes we sat in silence

A time
When silence was ominous
Hinting at misgivings

Now we may sit in silence

Feeling at ease
The silence enhancing
Beating hearts 

Sometimes we sat in silence

A time
When silence felt uncomfortable
Filled with trivialities 

Now we may sit in silence

Feeling closer
The silence needing
Nothing louder than loving smiles

Sometimes we sat in silence

A time
When silence meant
One was not there

Now we may sit in silence

Speaking not to fill
The silence
But to touch what what we know is firm

You need to go it alone sometimes

Stop coming to me
You see
I cannot provide your worth
The troubles you give birth to
Are only unearthed due
To your need to feed on sterile seeds
Sown by lips tipped to hone their words
To be heard by you as uplifting
All while sifting for weakness in the bleakness 
You are looking to be rescued from

You cry at the breeze
To seize on passing guilt
Houses built around your cries
Burn in fires you lit just to sit in ashes
As gashes freshly burned
Earn more pity 
Than the gritty path to respect
Flecked with dignity

I care not
For your waning confidence 
When your reigning arrogance
Isolates and infuriates 
Dictating that I should hold your hand
On the path to grandeur
As a voyeur
Of the success you will discard
If times ever get hard for you

Look in the mirror
It has never been clearer 
Who should help pull you through
The stews you throw yourself into
I am tired
I once desired to assist
But now I desist
You missed the window for my assistance
And this distance
Will not grow shorter
Until you test the waters
Of inner wealth
Walk the road of health
And start helping yourself

Some, not all, leaves nothing

The game is over now and I am confused as to why everyone continues to speak about it. It was a good game, a close game, a tough game, and I enjoyed every moment of it, but my life has moved past it, resumed the search for more immersion. The players on the field performed brilliantly and for a moment there, I was envious of their ability and acclaim, but they were players and my eyes the stage. The show is over now; the strength of the players has not made those around me appear weaker.

I put the book down some time ago now and I am confused as to why everyone continues to speak about it. It was a great book, a captivating read, a satisfying climax, and I enjoyed every page of it, but my life has moved past it, acknowledged the characters as fictional and resumed the search for more immersion. The characters were brave and honourable and for a moment there, I would have liked to walk their world beside them, but they were actors and my imagination the set. The show is over now; the courage of the actors has not tinged those around me with cowardice.

The movie’s credits have ceased rolling now and I am confused as to why everyone continues to speak about it. It was an amazing film, an end-to-end thriller with believable drama and over the top action, and I enjoyed every frame of it, but my life has moved past it, praised the director for the stunning execution and resumed the search for more immersion. The plot was gripping, the people gorgeous, and for a moment there, I cared for it all like my own homeland and family, but the landscape was drawn in a screenplay and the lines were all scripted. The show is over now; the absence of studio lighting has not made my garden less vibrant or my friends less beautiful.

Our fingers have stopped typing, our pens idle now, and I am confused as to why everyone continues to speak about it. I wrote myself though good times, rhymed myself through hard times and I enjoyed every letter of it, but my life has moved past it, appended the last period and resumed the search for more immersion. The flow was cathartic, the imagery encapsulating, and for a moment there, I was surrounded by the colours I invented, but the hues were all projections, fantastical or embellished from memory. The show is over now; the world is still visible without my pencilled outlines.

Our lips have stopped meeting now and I am confused as to why you no longer speak about it. We embraced for minutes that lasted ours, shared passionate hours that passed in minutes, and I have enjoyed every breath and shiver of it, but your life has moved past it, wiped the sweat of desire from its brow and resumed the search for more immersion. Our exertion weakened beside the players in the game,  our romance tawdry beside the couple in the novel, our appearance washed out beside the make-up in the feature, and our love lacking beside notes scribbled in your margins. This show is not over and yet it is the topic of least discussion; experienced, accepted, noted and left to fade in the light pulsing from momentary acts in ethereal plays.

While the show goes on I live every line. Our show goes on but my monologue is lost amid murmurs of scenes long past.

I miss you

I miss you smiling
And I miss your laughter
I miss you beforehand
I miss you right after
I miss you while looking
Right into your eyes
I miss you with kisses
Blown into the sky

I want you beside me
I want time to hurry
I want to lay kisses 
On you in a flurry
Strengthening feeling
Makes me miss you more
Somehow I need what
I wanted before

I have always missed you
The longing is growing
I have always missed you
More so for knowing
The more that I know you
The more you are missed
I dread the departing
Once we have kissed

I miss you right now
These bitter-sweet meetings
In time I will hold you
Euphorically fleeting
I will go on missing you
Deal with the sting
As the missing it fades
Near the joy that you bring

Happiness is harder

It is harder to write when your hands are cupping happiness and, far outside the shining barrier of your unconscious smile, negativity is a thing happening to other people. But harder is not a bad thing, harder is not a reason to shake a fist at the challenge and force contentment to escape through tight gaps in clenched fingers. Harder builds the muscles in your forearms, strengthens the tendons in your wrists, supports you from behind and allows you to carry the weight of the comfort in clenched teeth while using fingertips to jot down lines that do not come easily. Ideas do not disappear when elation flashes colour into the world, words simply camouflage themselves so that you must work to find them, so that when found and arranged, the idea they describe comes with accomplishment that glows in unison with the vibrancy you hold between grinning lips. If you find yourself surrounded by satisfaction, do not burst that bubble by lamenting a loss of muse, by cloaking yourself in pity so that words replace the ecstasy you held in your hands. Relish the challenge of chasing what used to be delivered to you and increase your fitness by carrying happiness and inspiration at the same time. It is harder but harder is not a bad thing.

I disappear

Out of sight, out of mind
Rings true
It will for you, too
If you remember me

But absence

Makes no hearts fonder
For me; you see
I fade in periphery
Image burned when heads turn

As home

Is where the heart is
If not there
Hearts do not care
For me; veins do not reach

And we deal with

The hurdle in front
So I wedge myself
On the ledge
Of your next step to stay in focus

Because water

Under the bridge
Is lost
Once crossed
And I want to stay up-steam 

A thorn

In the side annoys
But at least I am there
If I overbear
I look terrible in shadow

I disappear