Yesterday when treazure was looking for inspiration I suggested she write a poem in about an Irishman in the first person and that if she could do it and it was funny I would read it for her in an Irish accent… well she did it and it is funny.

I have discovered that speaking in an accent is one thing, reading a piece of poetry in it is another so I apologise to all Irish people reading this - - it’s all for a laugh.

I changed the ending of the poem to be in first person because it flips out into 3rd person for the last bit.

Treazure’s poem.

I’m just a bogtrotter from the hills
a simple man who needs no thrills
my little wife is a bit of a pain
so I head for the pub and have a plain
plastered until I forget her puss
knackered enough to make me cuss
‘Fuck the wench, she’s set to spoil
thinking raising brats is such a toil.
How about she thinks of my pace
having to come home to her crocked face.
I wish to find me a find young lass
with perfect tits and a plump ass.
A fine your floosie to get some kicks.
I deserve a girl who knows so tricks.”
Suddenly my head is paining something fierce
and I look around to find who to pierce.
A gouger, big boyo with fist raised
is the one who’s punch my cheek grazed.
“You filthy, fluthered idiot, shut your gaw
I won’t have talk like that ‘round here no more.
Your wife has born you 13 youngins
and about other ladies you sit her tonguing.
I won’t stand for your foostering yap
if you don’t leave now, I’ll send another rap.
Your very plastered, you should go home to sleep
and thank your stars for the life you lead.”
This gobshite boy wants to send me gaff
I throw my head back and have a laugh.
Before I can open my mouth to say more
I find myself sitting on the floor.
His face is red, and in his eyes
I can see he means to draw out my goodbyes
I grab my coat and park my hat
“I’d row with you if I weren’t so fat.
You’re a sleeven boy, and tonight I’ll go.
But next time, I’ll be the one to show.”

The pub patrons watched him walk out the door
swaying under the air off the moor
but before he got home, that sorry suss
he got run over by a bus
His 13 kids and little wife
ended up having a better life
for that bitter old codger as is oft the occurance
had a triple paid out policy life insurance